Dads Who Left Family Because Ex Was Not Including
I don't ordinarily mail well-nigh my personal life online, but have decided to attain out to strangers to hear their opinions. I was married for 13 years earlier I finally cut ties with my ex and nosotros got divorced. My ex-husband and I are great at co-parenting. We aren't friends but can become along enough to endeavor to do what's best for our 5 kids. I accept full custody and he has visitation. We both nourish school conferences and events and brand "big decisions" regarding the kids together.
When I fabricated the decision to divorce, I was prepared to "give up" a lot of things. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give upward my jail cell telephone, cable TV, eating out, and fifty-fifty the possibility of having to move to a smaller business firm or flat. I wasn't prepared to give up my family, and that really took me by surprise.
Why I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex
I've ever been very shut to my older sis. Nosotros moved our families from California to Utah together and used to do everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephew's ball games. I attended a couple just soon stopped considering I wanted to cutting ties with my ex, I didn't want to take to be around him.
As fourth dimension went on, I noticed that my sis (and her husband and kids) all the same stayed pretty shut to my ex. One of the first "large" holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. We had agreed that I would have the kids. I planned on going to my sister'south firm for Thanksgiving dinner every bit I had always done earlier. As it got closer to Thanksgiving, I started worrying that my ex would be there. It's not that we can't be at the same place. Nosotros don't detest each other, only I don't like existence around him.
A few days before Thanksgiving, I text my sister to inquire her if he would be at that place. She said she didn't know yet. Two days before Thanksgiving, I text over again and asked and permit her know that if he was going to exist there, the kids and I would not. She responded and told me that yes, he would be in that location. That was 1 of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. The day before Thanksgiving, I went shopping and bought everything for Thanksgiving dinner. The kids and I spent the day at home together. We cooked together and had our own little dinner. But information technology wasn't the same. We weren't around family.
This kind of thing has continued, and I accept distanced myself from her and her family.
About a year and a half after my divorce, my niggling sister and her husband decided to move from California to be closer to us. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to exist shut to my little sister, nieces, and new babe nephew. I couldn't wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house v doors down from my ex-hubby.
Since the move, my little sister has also gotten really shut to my ex. He goes to her firm during the holidays. He invites them over for barbecues. They all carve pumpkins (Halloween) and build gingerbread houses (Christmas) together, etc.
Shortly afterwards my little sister moved, my mom did too. Now, my ii sisters, my mom, and I all live in the same town.
My ex has our kids every other weekend. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. He also has a girlfriend at present. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have "family days" at the park, go shooting, get out to dinner or breakfast, etc. My sis has become great friends with my ex's girlfriend. They all hang out together. They (and my kids) went and busy my ex'southward work for his altogether, etc., etc., etc.
I endeavor really hard to practice what's best for my kids. Fifty-fifty though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the fourth dimension, I never say anything nigh it to my kids. I listen to their stories and agree back the tears until I'm lone because I don't want them to feel bad or think that they are doing anything wrong. Simply I truly remember it's wrong. I wish they would but cut ties with my ex already.
I get along with him when I have to: when I experience information technology'due south best for our kids (birthdays, schoolhouse events). I am always civil with/to him and never say anything bad about him to or in front of my kids. I listen to how my kids are developing a human relationship with his girlfriend. It hurts sometimes to hear how close they are to her and all the "motherly" kinds of things they do together, simply I retrieve that'southward good for my kids and I try to support it.
I feel like I do everything I tin can to help my kids and always try to look at things from other points of views, but I don't think I should accept to choose to either surrender my family unit or spend so much time (including every vacation) with my ex-husband. I don't like who I am or how I feel around him. I become unhappy and grouchy. I shouldn't take to feel that way in order to spend time with my family, and I don't think my kids should have to see me similar that either.
I feel like an emotional mess and weep whatsoever time I think about all of it. I don't talk to or come across my family anymore. I don't get to run into my little niece or nephew abound. I don't go to know and spend time with them.
My question is this:
Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my conclusion? Or should I exist expected to just "deal with it"?
Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/want-family-to-cut-ties-with-ex-am-i-being-unreasonable
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